|My Special Piece to you this week is a question. “WHO TAKES CARE OF YOU?”
Years ago, when I was in the University; a young man asked me out and wanted to get into a relationship with me. I really liked him though I was just 17 and knew better than to start a relationship at that time. But this guy basically got himself an apartment in my heart! I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and I think one of the things that stood him out was this – he said to me “I am not here to take advantage of you Debola. I want to take care of you. I want to help you reach your highest potential on this campus. I want to support you and love you!” Omo, see lireeks!!! (I made up that spelling, don’t look at any Dictionary).
I was blown away, because it is in human nature to be drawn to those who commit to us, those who care for us, those who watch out for us, those who nurture us! This is an underlying definer for many women, in making marriage choices, plus it has gotten others into trouble, falling in love with a man just because he was showing a lot of compassion and concern.
Hopefully, as you read this; your mind happily strays to people in your life who genuinely care for you! Shout out to many women who get pass my roles and titles; and step into School Mummy shoes with me. “DDK, have you eaten? What are you doing awake at 2.40am? You look tired in that video, chill off girl!” Or like Sarah Adewusi “DDK, I am sending moimoi to you, please take note.” Lol!!! Now, I consider a freezer full of moimoi, the height of earthly love. Hahahahaha… But hey, let’s get past all these amazing people who care for us, for a moment. Or even those who don’t. Let’s shift the focus on ourselves.
Do you know you actually owe yourself love, admiration, respect, and commitment to growth? You do! You’re going to live the longest with yourself. You are your private haven, the closest human voice in your heart. You are the longest-standing witness of your life – a journey dating from birth till now. If you don’t care for you, if you don’t love you, if you don’t respect you – that’s basically the most important person in your life refusing to commit to you. It counts! It matters! And the impact is far-reaching. I know this because many times, when I sit in a counselling session with couples; I often see women who don’t love themselves arm-twisting their husbands to do that for them. This is a sad reality, because it is only in self-exploration and self-affection (not in a selfish, compulsive way; but with healthy love, discovery, and growth) that you know enough about yourself to invite others in, and teach them how to love you. And this, is a Lifelong Quest.
If you take care of yourself, it will show in the following things:
1. Inner Speech – How you speak about yourself to yourself.
2. Growth – How you consciously commit to become a better version of yourself.
3. Relationships – The kinds of people you give access into your life and space.
4. Decisions – The choices you make, and how they impact on your sanity, safety and satisfaction in life.
5. Happiness – How you enjoy life and deliberately seek out opportunities to be experience daily joy, humor and fun! (Now, this one is based on your personal values. If your values are right, your idea of pleasure won’t be damaging.)
6. Healing and Recovery – How you confront, process and heal trauma, stress and pain; so that you don’t get permanently damaged by the hard knocks of life.
7. Work and Purpose – How you intentionally build your work around your highest meaning and life’s purpose – beyond merely making money and growing a status.
8. Challenge – The willingness to take increasing demanding paths because you want to stretch yourself into the Next Level!
9. Investment – What you do with your money is a proof of what you consider most important in life.
10. Spirituality – How you grow your connection with God, so that your highest self (unhindered by pain, pretense or pressure) can emerge, and you can offer your highest good to humanity.
So LITMUS Test for this Week – Look at these ten above, and write out your scores (on a scale of 1 (very low) to 10 (perfect)) to see how you are doing with Caring for YOU!
I love you and really thank you for letting me share my life with you!
written by DDK